Don't get confused. I can barely say "hello" in german. But I love the sound of the damn language.

About the title of this post... well, I have nothing really new to say this time. But I know now that it doesn't matter because it is highly unlikely that I will get read here again. What's my motivation tonight, then?

I promised nearly 2 years ago that I'd be posting my then new songs here. I was proud announcing that they all contained more guitar parts, and less programming. All of those facts were true. But I also doubt now that someone really cares about what I create, play, record, etc. And this is even more true in these days, given that I've almost no friends left (when you compose something, even if it's pure garbage, there's always a friend who tries to convince you it's not that bad after all; no caring friends here).

So, basically, I ran out of gas. For "publicizing" here my invents (I refuse now to give them the term "compositions", since I have no formal musical training). I still record one or two things every once in a while, but I lost the hope to be listened to and at least commented. Two years I've been absent, and nobody noticed.

Maybe I should do what a lot of people does: consume what is already there. Turn on the TV, the radio, go to YouTube, LastFM etc., and absorb, consume, swallow everything I can. But I just can't do that. I'm just too stubborn. Or stupid. Or whatever makes me insist on making music, even though I'm well aware that i have no talent at all.

I know this is going to sound overtly pretentious (I'm having a hard time figuring out how it'd really affect me), but music has really defined me, helped me go through the hardest times of my life. Music has given me words when I had none. It also allowed me to cheer the beauty of life (when I felt it). Music gave me the means to chant the joy of love, whenever love arrived to me. Music provided me with a fortress where I could safely hide and protect from those who tried to do harm. Music has given me so much, that I just couldn't resist trying to make my own. Maybe my music should have been always intended to be for personal use. Like the toothbrush.

Anyway, I don't really know if I ever will be sharing my music again with anyone (I haven't in several years). What I do know is that I will never give up in trying to really compose. Maybe someday I will share again. Just not in the foreseeable future.

Nevertheless, I've never seen too far.